There is a book through which I discovered what kind of a person I really want to be: The Notebook, the first volume of Ágota Kristóf's trilogy, which was followed by The Proof and The Third Lie. When I first heard someone talk about Ágota Kristóf, I thought it was an east European mispronunciation of Agatha Christie; but I soon discovered not only that Ágota is not Agatha, but that Ágota's horror is much more terrifying than Agatha's.
The Notebook tells the story of young twins living with their grandmother in a small Hungarian town during the last years of the second world war and the early years of communism. The twins are thoroughly immoral – they lie, blackmail, kill – yet they stand for authentic ethical naivety at its purest. A couple of examples should suffice. One day they meet a starving deserter in a forest and bring him some things he asks them for.
When we come back with the food and blanket, he says: 'You're very kind.'
We say: 'We weren't trying to be kind. We've brought you these things because you absolutely need them. That's all.'
If there ever was a Christian ethical stance, this is it: no matter how weird their neighbour's demands, the twins naively try to meet them. One night, they find themselves sleeping in the same bed as a German officer, a tormented gay masochist. Early in the morning, they awaken and want to leave the bed, but the officer holds them back:
'Don't move. Keep sleeping.'
'We want to urinate. We have to go.'
'Don't go. Do it here.'
We ask: 'Where?'
He says: 'On me. Yes. Don't be afraid. Piss! On my face.'
We do it, then we go out into the garden, because the bed is all wet.
A true work of love, if there ever was one! The twins' closest friend is a priest's housekeeper, a young voluptuous woman who washes them, playing erotic games with them. Then something happens when a procession of starved Jews is led through the town on their way to the camp:
Right in front of us, a thin arm emerges from the crowd, a dirty hand stretches out, a voice asks: 'Bread.'
The housekeeper smiles and pretends to offer the rest of her bread; she holds it close to the outstretched hand, then, with a great laugh, brings the piece of bread back to her mouth, takes a bite, and says: 'I'm hungry too.'
The boys decide to punish her: they put some ammunition into her kitchen stove so that when she lights it in the morning, it explodes and disfigures her. Along these lines, it is easy for me to imagine a situation in which I would be ready, without any moral qualms, to murder someone, even if I knew that this person did not kill anyone directly. Reading reports about torture in Latin American military regimes, I found particularly repulsive the (regular) figure of a doctor who helped the actual torturers conduct their business in the most efficient way: he examined the victim and monitored the process, letting the torturers know how much the victim will be able to endure, what kind of tortures would inflict the most unbearable pain, etc. I must admit that if I were to encounter such a person, knowing that there is little chance of bringing him to legal justice, and be given the opportunity to murder him discreetly, I would simply do it, with a minimum of remorse about taking justice in my own hands.
What is crucial in such cases is to avoid the fascination of evil that propels us to elevate torturers into demonic transgressors who have the strength to overcome our petty moral considerations and act freely. Torturers are not beyond good and evil, they are beneath it. They do not heroically transgress our shared ethical rules, they simply lack them.
The two brothers also blackmail the priest: they threaten to let everybody know how he sexually molested Harelip, a girl who needs help to survive, demanding a weekly sum of money from him. The shocked priest asks them:
'It's monstrous. Have you any idea what you're doing?'
'Yes, sir. Blackmail.'
'At your age … It's deplorable.'
'Yes, it's deplorable that we've been forced to this. But Harelip and her mother absolutely need money.'
There is nothing personal in this blackmail: later, they even become close friends with the priest. When Harelip and her mother are able to survive on their own, they refuse further cash from the priest:
'Keep it. You have given enough. We took your money when it was absolutely necessary. Now we earn enough money to give some to Harelip. We have also taught her to work.'
Their cold-serving of others extends to killing them if asked: when their grandmother asks them to put poison into her cup of milk, they say:
'Don't cry, Grandmother. We'll do it; if you really want us to, we'll do it.'
Naive as it is, such a subjective attitude in no way precludes a monstrously cold reflexive distance. One day, the twins put on torn clothes and go begging. Passing women give them apples and biscuits and one of them even strokes their hair. Another woman invites them to her home to do some work, for which she will feed them.
We answer: 'We don't want to work for you, madam. We don't want to eat your soup or your bread. We are not hungry.'
She asks: 'Then why are you begging?'
'To find out what effect it has and to observe people's reactions.'
She walks off, shouting: 'Dirty little hooligans! And impertinent too!'
On our way home, we throw the apples, the biscuits, the chocolate, and the coins in the tall grass by the roadside.
It is impossible to throw away the stroking on our hair.
This is where I stand, how I would love to be: an ethical monster without empathy, doing what is to be done in a weird coincidence of blind spontaneity and reflexive distance, helping others while avoiding their disgusting proximity. With more people like this, the world would have been a pleasant place in which sentimentality would be replaced by a cold and cruel passion.