‘Move Away, Impaler’ by Russell Bennetts and Rauan Klassnik
From The Honest Ulsterman:
It’s rare a thing dies when you want. Emily saw the red in her head. It was a
circling. It was thief. It was a bicycle thrown downhill in a torrent of firing. Dash,
I’m the man with the cash. I mean, the God. The black helicopter following me
has a matte-black finish. Its wingspan is massive. This is a whirlybird with a
vengeance. Oh shit, oh fuck, oh no.
Vlad Pitt the Elder’s just landed in my soup. And he’s squinting up at me. And
he’s so adorable.