From Little Star:
DANIIL KHARMS: Of all insects, crickets make the most loyal spouses, like zebras among animals. I used to keep two crickets in a cage, male and female. When the female died, the male stuck his head between the bars and committed suicide.
LEONID LIPAVSKY: It’s amazing that crocodiles hatch from eggs.
KHARMS: I personally hatched from caviar. This almost led to a grievous misunderstanding. My uncle came over to offer congratulations, it was right after the spawning and my mother was still lying around sick. So he sees the cradle and it’s full of caviar. And my uncle was a big fan of eating. He spread me on a piece of bread and poured himself a shot of vodka. Luckily they stopped him in time, but it still took a while to put me back together again.
TAMARA LIPAVSKAYA: So how did you feel in that state?
KHARMS: I must confess that I don’t recall, for my condition then was unconscious. I do know that, for a while, my parents refrained from punishing me by making me stand in the corner, because I stuck to walls.
LIPAVSKAYA: And for how long did you remain in this unconscious condition?
KHARMS: Until the end of high school.