Jennifer L. Knox reads ‘Our Friends above the Equator’
Jennifer L. Knox reads her poem, ‘Our Friends above the Equator’.
With their dazzling colors and virtuosic range of calls, it’s no wonder tits have been the subject of the world’s greatest art, music, and literature. But aside from their beauty, their bold curiosity, and comically destructive behavior, what do we really know about tits? Do they have feelings, like you and I? Are tits actually capable of intelligent thought? Dr. Carl Flimmer at the University of Upper Whippenhoober has been studying tits and their ability to solve complex problems. And Dr. Flimmer has made a shocking discovery.
“Tits are far more intelligent than people…and parrots, whales, monkeys, any living creature really—even computers.”
Dr. Flimmer escorted our crew outdoors to a complex maze of plywood and plastic tubes, roughly the size of a motorhome.
“Tits got lots of work to do on this baby! First off, tits love grubs, so the whole puzzle’s full of grubs buried deep in the wood—too deep for the tits to get at with just their nipples. And it’s loaded with trapdoors, so if the tits muck it up, they slide though the tunnels—ooooh noooo!—back to square one, then they start all over again. To get the grubs, tits have to use the eye hook of a brassier to bend the tip of a palm frond—the most poisonous palm in the world!—and the frond must be exactly 36 days old. The frond-severing process is unfathomably difficult. First you take the…opposite hook on the bra…uh, I’m not sure it even has a name…”
Jennifer L. Knox is an American poet.