Some Advice for Jew Fetishists


Dirty Dancing, Vestron Pictures, 1987

From Jewish Currents:

For as long as I’ve been having sex, men have wanted to fuck my Judaism and have sought me out because of it. Their desire skates close to the idea of the Jewish American Princess, a postwar amalgamation of upward mobility and materialism, a spoiled and sheltered woman who believes she deserves the very best and offers little in return. As with most stereotypes, it is ultimately an expression of animus. It’s no fluke that both this hostility and its expression as desire fall along economic lines, which is why my father’s professional achievements get thrown into dirty talk. Where American Jewish men contend with stereotypes of being oversexed, needy, nebbishy and neurotic (like Woody Allen, boo hiss), Jewish women are cast as withholding, bossy, exotic, and materialistic (like Fran Drescher, which honestly? Goals). To fuck a woman like this is to wrest from her that which has been withheld—in effect, to win. Domination is about defeating a Jewish desire to deprive, while being dominated is about reinforcing the stereotype of overbearance.

Jewishness looks like a lot of different things but a fetish for Jewish women doesn’t, and I fit the type. As Gilda Radner would say, I’ve got that “Jewess look”: dark curly hair, light skin, big breasts, a big nose. I’m outspoken and smart. Crucially, I grew up religious, in an upper-middle-class family. The fetishization I have experienced relies on stereotype, uncomplicated by the realities of my life. Zoom in on the fact that I use my hands expressively when I speak, zoom out on the fact that I’m talking about prison abolition. Magnify what confirms me as a sexually liberated yet protected Jewess, maternal but also independent, assertive unless instructed otherwise. Minimize the inconvenient facts of my personhood.

Identity-based power exchange, like all forms of kink and fetish, only functions well with careful negotiation and introspection. So, for the Jew fetishists of the world, might I suggest a deep dive on the therapist’s couch to figure out what’s behind the attraction, and a meticulous consent process before casting your very own Jewess in the fantasy play?

“On Being a Fetishist”, Fancy Feast, Jewish Currents